The Sh*tty Life of a Creative
June was rough.
It was the first month since January I didn’t post a video. I feel like everything I posted on Instagram was just me apologizing for inactivity. I don’t think I did ANY shoots.
All. Around. Sucky.
This isn’t my first time facing a creative block, but coming off of early quarantine when I had been more creative and productive, this one was pretty rough.
I mean it makes sense - the world is INSANE right now. At the beginning of June, nothing seemed more important than Black Lives Matter and the protests. It didn’t feel right at all to be releasing photos or videos in this time - my voice was not one that needed to be heard and ESPECIALLY not my art. One thing I’m thankful for is that June’s protests weren’t just trends that stopped after a couple of weeks. The protests are still ongoing and I, for one, am hopeful that real change is going to happen. Because of this, I wasn’t sure where my place is, at what point does it stop being disrespectful to the BLM movement.
The last thing I want to do is make anything about me, it isn’t, but at the same time, I think it’s a fair question. Creating is what I do to keep my anxiety in check, it makes me feel whole. The first thing that comes to mind is using my art and platform to support the movement, but again - I should be elevating unheard voices not my own. So for the past month, I’ve been trying to do that on my Instagram account. I’ve been putting more time and energy into learning and listening and sharing rather than creating. I hope that I have been doing enough, but I think it’s time that I start navigating the new normal.
Speaking of the new normal - as a worker in the events industry, work is interesting right now. People are sick of quarantine, and for good enough reason. It has been 4 months, cases appear(ed) to be declining, Summer is in full swing. Navigating the gap forming between online and live events is tricky and stressful, adding further to my creative block. Beyond this, I’ve been working from home since early March and while at first, it was liberating, in the past month it has become much more tricky. When you are in an industry that doesn’t really have office hours, and now no office - where does work end and home-life begin?
Combine all of these things together and you get failure. Obviously it’s a tough time, but I still feel like I’ve failed every time I don’t meet a posting goal or get out to shoot. I feel like I make excuse after excuse after excuse and each time it’s like loading another layer into the failure lasagna.
BUT…
…all failures are lessons and all lessons lead to success.
I got through it, I got out to shoot, oh yeah I bought a new camera (but that’s a blog for another day), I learned what it was like to make something happen no matter what. And in the end, I made a video.
Sh*t happens to everyone, the real question is whether or not you give up.
Once again, I would like to acknowledge that my June was inherently better than many people across the country. I am privileged enough to be healthy, employed, and have opportunities that many Americans don’t through no fault of their own. A creative block is about as much of a 1st world problem as you can get, and I want to make it clear that I don’t value my own struggles over those of others.