This blog is about the video made to accompany my last blog post. If you read my last post, chances are you’re like “what video?”. Well, that’s because I didn’t make one.

You see, I’m a huge fan of ‘What’s in my camera bag’ videos, and I was originally planning to make one, which is where the blog post came about. I was super excited to make this video, so excited I actually filmed it twice, making sure it looked and sounded as good as possible.

So I started and started and hustled and hustled and kept pushing back my self-imposed deadline again and again, always with a different excuse. It finally hit me yesterday, a full month and a half after first writing my script, that I don’t want to make this video. I have been hiding it from myself and have wasted hours of my life I’ll never get back.

It’s an exciting and frustrating realization, but despite the lost time and hours of frustration, I feel free. Being a creator is inherently putting weights on your own back, pushing yourself to create and perform because there aren’t bosses or managers to do that for you.

Today is the first time I think I’ve appreciated that I can make whatever the f*ck I want, no one can tell me otherwise, and I don’t have to spend time doing things I don’t want to do. This isn’t school or a 9-to-5, if a project turns out to be tedious or stressful, there is no reason to put energy into it. Not only can I put weight ON my shoulders, but I can also take it off too.

My creative journey is full of patches of apathy and burnout, and this feels like one of the first times I’ve given myself permission to side-step what seemed like a necessary project (for no reason other than that I made it one). In fact, not only did I give myself permission to scrap the video - I actually thought outside the box - turning this one video that might not have gotten many views into 2 IG Reels which can each get hundreds of impressions. IT FEELS GOOD!

So I know I don’t want to make the video, I choose not to make the video, but then I go another step further and reflect on WHY I don’t want to make the video - it’s all Nathaniel Drew’s fault. I have been binging his videos lately and realized how much they make me feel. They make me inspired, they make me satisfied, they make me feel like I’ve been through something - like reading a book. It occurred to me how much more satisfying it is to watch a video that really tells a story than just one that spikes some dopamine (looking at you gear addiction). I realized that while I have really been advancing my technical skills, my storytelling skills are being left in the dust. Good story always wins, I’ve always known and believed this, but I haven’t really been practicing it. Sometimes story is easy - my travel vlogs are usually pretty good because there is a literal journey - a story handed to me on a silver platter. But when I’m not traveling, when a story isn’t being handed to me, what am I doing to seek one out or make my own?

So that’s what I really realized when it hit me that I didn’t want to make this video - it’s not enough to just “be a vdeographer”, not for me. I want to be a storyteller, I want to make people feel something. So I guess I will…

Anyways, thanks for reading this - you’re a real one! See you next time!